The Hangover - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

We've all been there. 

You awake feeling like your teeth have melted and coated your tongue.

Well here's some shit that might help in the morning. 

The Good

Ingredients: Fresh Strawberries, 2 Bananas, 1 Mango, 1 Red Apple, Grapes, 150ml (or one cup full if you haven’t a fucking clue what 150ml is) of probiotic yoghurt drink, Frozen berries.

You will need: A Blender, Knives, a bowl.

Method: Hull and cut up the strawberries and banana. Skin and dice the mango and apple. De-seed the grapes if necessary and halve. Fuck the lot of them into the bowl.

Take out the blender, make sure it’s clean you little tart! Empty the frozen berries and the probiotic yoghurt drink into the blender and blend until smooth. If there’s pips in the end result, run it through a sieve.

Plop the blended berries and yoghurt on top of the chopped fruit and mix together with a spoon.

It’s not rocket surgery, but when you’re hungover you don’t want to be messing around with too much information right?

The Bad

Ingredients: 4 free-range large eggs, 1 link of pudding, 4 linked sausages, 3 rashers of bacon, 2 tomatoes, 1 tin of Heinz baked beans (has to be Heinz), grated cheese (as much as you want to be honest, but don’t blame me if you get fat) Frozen hash browns.

Method: Cook the hash browns as directed on the bag (do as you’re told you bell end!) and fry or grill the pudding, sausages and rashers. Halve and fry the tomatoes in real butter – none of your shite.

Dice all the cooked ingredients and leave in a bowl beside the pan. Also cook the beans and have close to hand with the grated cheese.

Preparation is key in this instance, especially if you’ve been up boozing like a hobo in an alley.

Beat two of the eggs in a bowl, add a splash (not more) of water and add to a hot oiled pan. Take the pan off the heat and allow the egg to begin to set. As it sets, add the ingredients leaving half the cheese and half the beans out. Once the concoction begins to look like it’s nearly cooked pop it in a pre-heated over at 90-100 (or just hot enough to keep it warm)

Beat two more eggs in a bowl, add to the hot oil pan and cook like before ensuring this does not stick to the pan as this is the lid of your breakfast cake.

Once cooked, remove the base from the oven and slide the lid on top then covering the entire thing with the remainder of the cheese, especially around the edges, pop it back into the oven and allow the cheese to melt – sealing the cake shut, remove from the oven and ‘garnish’ with the remainder of the beans.

Now, there’s two schools of thought on this breakfast cake. You can cut it to share and maybe dish out to anyone who slept on the floor last night or you can eat it yourself. A little warning though, I cooked this for a mate once and after he ate the whole thing, he slept for nearly 18 hours.

The Ugly

This is a time old recipe for a hangover cure that never fails to pick me up. It’s not pretty and it contains booze, so if you’re driving then don’t fucking participate!

Ingredients: 1 shot of tequila (whiskey or vodka will also suffice) 1 tablespoon of Tabasco sauce, 1 egg and one wooden spoon.

Method: Crack the egg into a tall glass, pour in the tequila and Tabasco. Pick up the drink in the right hand and the wooden spoon in the left hand. Drink the cocktail down in one go and as you finish hit yourself in the head with the spoon ten times repeating…

“I AM A MORON, I AM A MORON, I AM A MORON”

It really works!